What if a teacher criticizes the child? It is natural for a parent to react defensively. The National Mental Health and Education Center suggests a response that is honest, solicits more details and gets to the heart of the matter. Take a deep breath and try saying:

"I would like to understand more, particularly about when this happens, why you think it happens and perhaps how we can prevent it from happening again."

OR

"We have heard these complaints before; I'm disappointed that this behavior of Jimmy's is continuing. but I'm sure there are some things that can be tried to make it better."

If both parents and teachers enter the meeting determined to help the child, the result will be concrete ideas that move the child closer to where he should be.

4. Incorporate both careful listening and questions into the conference.

Respect the teacher and her willingness to meet. Do not interrupt but wait for a natural pause in the conversation to add comments. Being respectful does not include allowing the teacher's agenda to sidetrack from the most pressing issues or consume all the time. If there is more to address than time allows, request another meeting.

5. Consider allowing the student to participate in at least part of the meeting.

When my son, Charlie, was 10, he had difficulty with organization and his principal wisely invited him to join us near the end of the meeting. This allowed him to take ownership in change. We discussed options he had for improvement and he chose the ones that he thought would work best for him.

6. End the meeting by reviewing the major points and any decisions made jointly.

If parents are asked to incorporate a particular activity, like reading with the child 15 minutes a day), they should make a note of it. Both parties should clearly understand any actions agreed upon. If another meeting is warranted, make plans together for that to happen. Be specific about expectations for the student (and each other) and follow through. The true value of the meeting will be what happens in coming weeks.