Take a Step Back

You've done your homework, you set limits that are appropriate for your kids, and you're feeling pretty good. As hard as it might be to hear, it might be time to back off a little.

"Parents need to decide what their threshold is, then take it up a notch or two. Kids need victory to become independent," says Dr. Taylor. That means if your curfew is 11:00 and they want midnight, bump it up to 11:30. Dr. Taylor says, "If you give them little victories, they won't push for the big ones."

Dr. Sternheimer agrees, "There's nothing wrong with families defining their standards and saying 'not for us,' but they have to realize that their child is developing an identity separate from their parents. Young teens do this by embracing popular culture that their parents don't like. It's how they define themselves as 'not their parents.'"

That means picking your battles. Disallow movies with graphic sex scenes, but consider letting your kids read valuable literature containing sexual themes such as The Scarlet Letter. Go ahead and ban death metal music, but don't go on a musical witch-hunt and ban songs by James Blunt (You're Beautiful) or even soft rock icon James Taylor (Steamroller) because they contain a single curse word.

Stepping back also means realizing that despite your best efforts, your children will undoubtedly be exposed to objectionable material in the hallways at school or at a friend's house. In fact, they'll probably even go looking for it. Chances are that when you were a kid, you tasted forbidden fruit now and then too.

"Kids are going to watch bad stuff, hear bad stuff, and still turn out all right," Dr. Taylor says, adding this is why parents need to establish values when kids are young and help them to view the media with a critical eye.

"There's very little that going to interfere with a parent who's really plugged into their children's lives," agrees Dr. Sternheimer. "Playing a video game or seeing a single movie won't override that."