Keep the Focus on Your Child

I was tempted to respond with an anecdote from my own childhood to illustrate how I handled being wronged. "It's better to stick to the child's current situation rather than tell them what it was like when you were a child," counsels Dr. Kerzner. "Help your child to find resources within himself to deal with an issue rather than give him the impression that he should treat the situation the same way you did."

"You're a different person than your child," adds Faber, "so your experiences may not apply to him."

Be a Good Listener

It is not always easy to be a listener, not a talker. But as Faber says, "Resist the urge to tell and teach especially when a child is in distress. In silence is where growth takes place. It is where a child knows he is totally accepted."

Kerzner says, "Quiet active listening is the hardest thing for parents to do, but sometimes it is the best way to bring a parent and child together."

I have not yet mastered this unique skill. I often find myself frustrated that the silences I share with my children are not more fruitful. However, I am learning to become more sensitive to the ebb and flow of their moods and more responsive to them when they do open up. As Adele Faber says, "talking to our children is not a science. It is an art."

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